These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

CANCER -June 22-July 22

Happy Birthday to you! Through a casual remark in an elevator…you will realize that both you and your fellow passenger have seen John Cleese’s informational film called “How to Irritate People” By the time you reach the 10^th floor, you will both be severely vexed with one another. This might be a good month to carry your enchanting tool with you… you never know.

IDEAL JOB: CANDLE WICK MAKER

RULING GEMSTOME: RUBY

LEO

You will find a small speckled egg, shimmering a little, in an unusual place. If you keep it warm in a 350 degree oven for 3 weeks, it will hatch into a small dragon and then eat you! The lesson to be learned here is…stay tuned…

IDEAL JOB: CRASH TEST DUMMY CRASHER

RULING GEMSTONE: PERIDOT, JADE

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on July 5th, 2010
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These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

GEMINI

Another birthday has arrived…Large tongued Gemini dogs will come your way in overly affectionate encounters, particularly after early supper, bowl-of-water-lick, or mid evening walkies until well into July. Embrace these moments, as we all know that love comes in many different forms and we should take what we can get!

BEST LOVE TIME: ALL OF JUNE

COMPATIBILITY: SCORPIOS OR LIBRAS

CANCER -June 22-July 22

Today you will stumble across conclusive proof that cilantro is actually the main ingredient in soaps and detergents, and that its culinary use started at a joke—it’s just that most people are too shy to admit that they’d rather spray Lysol on their burrito than put cilantro on it!

BEST LOVE TIME: JUNE 10^TH EARLY AM

COMPATIBILITY: LEO

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on June 6th, 2010
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These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

TAURUS

Happy Birthday all my fellow Taureans! For those of you that don’t know, we are ruled by the planet Venus (the love planet), the stoic bull (hence our stubbornness) the color green, and our bodies are ruled by our ears, nose and throat. We LOVE money, comforts and food, not necessarily in that order…so go and buy yourself a lottery ticket and pamper yourself cause this is definitely your year! Be contented destiny wise.

CELEBRITY TAURUS: Stevie Wonder

LUCKY NUMBERS: Any and all combinations of 2-5-7

GEMINI

This month you will join the political action group “Whiners for Peace”, and will call up your senator’s office and whine at them. Don’t forget to sign up for the big “Pout Out” next month! You are being watched by a large penguin, act normal.

CELEBRITY GEMINI: Dennis Rodman

LUCKY NUMBERS: 34, 5, 9

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on May 10th, 2010
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These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

ARIES - March 21-April 19

Happy Birthday you gorgeous Ram! Not only are you HOT this month, you are also oh so clever. You will invent a night light in the shape of a chess piece, which you will smartly name “Nighty Knight”! Let’s hope it goes over well, you could use the money! Invest in yourself and silver since you most likely can’t afford gold, and the dollar is in the toilet.

CELEBRITY ARIES: Julia Styles

IDEAL JOB: Donut Hole Cutter

TAURUS

This month you will become incensed at the thought that you missed out on all the fun during the 60’s and 70’s and will change your name to “Sunflower”. That is SO Taurus of you! Focus on variety this month, give the chocolate lobster tail a try and accept love and sugar graciously. Sweet baby Sweet!

CELEBRITY TAURUS: Eva Peron

IDEAL JOB: Ripened Fruit Checker

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on April 4th, 2010
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These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

PISCES - February 19-March 20

You will discover a secret about the Spice Girls-most of them can’t tell Cumin from Coriander. In fact some of them are vague about whether Black and Red Pepper come from different plants. You will quite sensibly decide to avoid going to their place for dinner. How did you get that invite by the way? YOUR people are obviously bigger than MY people!

CELEBRITY PISCES: Jack the Ripper

LUCKY SONG: “My Ding a Ling” (who sang that?)

ARIES

You will rest peacefully on the second week of this month and sink into a strange dream. In the dream you will be playing an odd version of soccer with huge clear balloons, and people will be cheering you on from the sidelines, who are dressed in white formal attire. Don’t go into the light, ok? The extra point isn’t worth it.

CELEBRITY ARIES: Tiny Tim

LUCKY SONG: “Lick it Up” (KISS)

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on March 5th, 2010
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These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

AQUARIUS - January 20-February 18

You will invite a group of 11 to a dinner party at your house on the 10^th, but only 2 hours before they arrive your oven will stop working all of a sudden. Panic? Don’t panic, it’s all the same in the planetary scheme of things…give your guests lots to drink and send out for pizza, only 3 will notice your plight.

This is a good month to doodle.

CELEBRITY AQUARIUS: Ellen DeGeneres

IDEAL JOB: Citrus Fruit Colorer

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on February 9th, 2010
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These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

CAPRICORN - December 22-January 19

As we all ring in the New Year together, you can also celebrate another year of growing older! Lucky You! 2010 is set to be your year to shine, a “come back” you might say. Forget about your New Year’s resolutions…I think the Mayans might be onto something, and if so, we only have 2 good years left…so go on…smoke your laughin lettuce, eat till it hurts, and have a little rum in your egg nog!

CELEBRITY CAPRICORN: Daffy Duck

IDEAL JOB: Cactus Thorn Picker outer

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on January 9th, 2010
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