TAURUS - April 20-May 20

Everyone wants what’s best for you, in terms of reducing the amount of time you are allowed to show your face outside of your house. Your ideals are starting to shape the way you’re living, so congratulations.
RULING GEMSTONE: EMERALD

GEMINI - May 21-June 21

The law may be your friend today, or it might turn round and bite you in the ass. Either way the word “law” is going to crop up. Holiday, it would be so nice…to be on holiday. So why not go for it?
RULING GEMSTONE: ALEXANDRITE

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on May 4th, 2013
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ARIES - March 21-April 19

Having had a taste of victory last month, this month may seem like the ideal opportunity to go wild. Kindling is always useful when lighting fires. However, metaphorical fires can be started using a baseball bat or a 2×4 plank. The words you use to describe yourself may have to be revised today, after suffering what can only be described as “hell”
RULING GEMSTONE: DIAMOND

TAURUS - April 20-May 20

Hopefully the pains you’re currently experiencing will disappear over the coming hours. Time is on your side, feel free to mix-it-up a little. You are trapped in a cave with a panther and a sound system playing Michael Bolton’s greatest hits. What do you do? 
RULING GEMSTONE: EMERALD

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on April 3rd, 2013
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PISCES - February 19-March 20

This month is all about focusing less on the outcome and more on the journey. With Venus in your house of probabilities, you’ll likely encounter several circumstances that will be of concern.
RULING GEMSTONE: AQUAMARINE

ARIES - March 21-April 19

You’ve got it made. Make sure to show lots of appreciation for those around you. Here are 3 fun ways to show appreciation: buy them a new toothbrush (people rarely splurge on this luxury), comb their hair, or answer their phone calls.
RULING GEMSTONE: DIAMOND

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on March 3rd, 2013
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CAPRICORN - December 22-January 19

The world moves pretty fast around you and you must learn to slow it down to a reasonable pace. Much of this can be done with a hefty broad-sword. You’re single. So what are you doing reading this when you could be out there having fun? Go let your hair down. “Shout, shout, let it all out.” 
RULING GEMSTONE: GARNET

AQUARIUS - January 20-February 18

You will be glad of a loved one’s ability to almost painlessly remove splinters from your backside. You like sealife but you hate the sea. Your mum and dad grew up in a small village where you met an elderly couple who later died. You may never find what you’re looking for, but at least you managed to find that picture of the chimp sitting on a toilet reading a newspaper. 
RULING GEMSTONE: AMETHYST

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on January 4th, 2013
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In case they got it right we bring you your last horoscope! – Mayan Astrology Signs - The Haab Calendar uses 19 Mayan astrology signs in an astrological system that was developed by ancient Mayans (who as it happens, used to take mushrooms). 

Mayan sign Yaxk’in: November 23rd to December 12th 

Yaxk’in people have a connection with the Mayan sun god Ah Kin. He provided protection against darkness, drought and disease. Those born under this sign tend to be natural healers. Sadly, whether you heal others with soothing words or as a trained practitioner, your efforts are not noted. To make it worse, your doubtful personality often surfaces, meaning you could never help anyone in an emergency. You either have to learn to trust yourself in your decisions and the decisions of those around you, or change your career and lead a basic lifestyle where you have to make little or no decisions allowing your inner indecisive beast to prosper. 

Mayan sign Mol: December 13th to January 1st 

Those born under the sign of Mol are associated with the cardinal element of water. Apparently Mol people are supposed to be able to “make the rains come”, although in reality most of them can’t even swim. Pay close attention to how the weather patterns make you feel. Your strength is associated with water and rainfall. You don’t have to stand in the rain or walk about without an umbrella, but you have to try and tap into the energy of the rain. After all, there is a leader waiting to be unleashed. PS: If you sit in a bathtub too long, you may turn into a mermaid. Don’t do it.

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on December 6th, 2012
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These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

SCORPIO - October 23-November 21

Your house of finance is having a flare-up. Keep a close watch on what you’re spending your money on. Also, 3 things: be supportive, honest, and slow to anger and you will have success this month. You get a lucky number this month, its 111.
RULING GEMSTONE: TOPAZ

SAGITTARIUS - November 22-December 21

Because of your frequent travel binges, it’s important that you have genuine quality time with your loved ones. Try having quality time by turning off your cell phone, TV, and deleting all incoming emails and have a nice, old-fashioned staring contest with your partner. Nothing will bring you two closer
RULING GEMSTONE: TURQUOISE

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on November 6th, 2012
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These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

VIRGO – August 23-September 22

This will be a VERY happy 2 months for you. After all, it is your birthday! And you know what they’ve been saying about that for a thousand of years, don’t you? “Happy Good! Me like Happy!” Cartwheels, hand stands, head stands, single arm press ups, sit ups, and sand castles the shape of gymnasiums are well starred. Take note, perhaps you could use a little exercise?

CELEBRITY VIRGO: Ione Skye

PROS: Smart /CONS: Perfectionist

LIBRA - September 23-October 22

“Geronimo!”, “Yahooooooo!” but NOT “Weee!” are the best ways to show extreme enjoyment such as when catching that big fish, canopying across the jungle, or jumping suddenly into water. This month your destiny has a lisp and is determined to say MISSISSIPPI…don’t worry about it…make yourself a coffee, sit down and read the internet, hell…its what you do everyday right? While you’re at it, make yourself a birthday cake, the chocolate and fattening kind cause no one celebrates birthdays with gusto after sweet 16!

CELEBRITY LIBRA: Shaun Cassidy

PROS: Harmonious /CONS: Procrastinator
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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on September 4th, 2012
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