These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

ARIES - March 21-April 19

Happy Birthday you gorgeous Ram! Not only are you HOT this month, you are also oh so clever. You will invent a night light in the shape of a chess piece, which you will smartly name “Nighty Knight”! Let’s hope it goes over well, you could use the money! Invest in yourself and silver since you most likely can’t afford gold, and the dollar is in the toilet.

CELEBRITY ARIES: Julia Styles

IDEAL JOB: Donut Hole Cutter

TAURUS

This month you will become incensed at the thought that you missed out on all the fun during the 60’s and 70’s and will change your name to “Sunflower”. That is SO Taurus of you! Focus on variety this month, give the chocolate lobster tail a try and accept love and sugar graciously. Sweet baby Sweet!

CELEBRITY TAURUS: Eva Peron

IDEAL JOB: Ripened Fruit Checker

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on April 4th, 2010
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These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

PISCES - February 19-March 20

You will discover a secret about the Spice Girls-most of them can’t tell Cumin from Coriander. In fact some of them are vague about whether Black and Red Pepper come from different plants. You will quite sensibly decide to avoid going to their place for dinner. How did you get that invite by the way? YOUR people are obviously bigger than MY people!

CELEBRITY PISCES: Jack the Ripper

LUCKY SONG: “My Ding a Ling” (who sang that?)

ARIES

You will rest peacefully on the second week of this month and sink into a strange dream. In the dream you will be playing an odd version of soccer with huge clear balloons, and people will be cheering you on from the sidelines, who are dressed in white formal attire. Don’t go into the light, ok? The extra point isn’t worth it.

CELEBRITY ARIES: Tiny Tim

LUCKY SONG: “Lick it Up” (KISS)

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on March 5th, 2010
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These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

AQUARIUS - January 20-February 18

You will invite a group of 11 to a dinner party at your house on the 10^th, but only 2 hours before they arrive your oven will stop working all of a sudden. Panic? Don’t panic, it’s all the same in the planetary scheme of things…give your guests lots to drink and send out for pizza, only 3 will notice your plight.

This is a good month to doodle.

CELEBRITY AQUARIUS: Ellen DeGeneres

IDEAL JOB: Citrus Fruit Colorer

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on February 9th, 2010
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These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

CAPRICORN - December 22-January 19

As we all ring in the New Year together, you can also celebrate another year of growing older! Lucky You! 2010 is set to be your year to shine, a “come back” you might say. Forget about your New Year’s resolutions…I think the Mayans might be onto something, and if so, we only have 2 good years left…so go on…smoke your laughin lettuce, eat till it hurts, and have a little rum in your egg nog!

CELEBRITY CAPRICORN: Daffy Duck

IDEAL JOB: Cactus Thorn Picker outer

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on January 9th, 2010
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These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

SAGITTARIUS - November 22-December 21

Happy Birthday and Merry Xmas! You have a lot to celebrate this year. This month will be a strange one for you…the smell of Evergreen trees has an intense yet subtle effect on you. You may find yourself wanting to snuggle up to stuffed animals and drinking copious amounts of Egg Nog with the little marshmellows in them…this is fine in small quantities, but please remember to give back those stuffed animals when you are done squeezing them.

CELEBRITY SAGITTARIUS: Scarlett Johannsen

IDEAL JOB: Citrus fruit dryer

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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on December 3rd, 2009
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These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

SCORPIO - October 23-November 21

Woop! Woop! It’s your Birthday! The phrase “having your cake and eating it too” has always troubled you…Today, cakes all have a “best before” date on them, so if you don’t eat your cake before the date-guess what? You lose your cake! My point? The planets are trying to tell you to make the most of time, and don’t listen to old sayings about cake from elderly people.

It’s also time to lower your standards regarding love, be aware that marrying your own pets is not allowed in most countries!

CELEBRITY SCORPIO: Theodore Roosevelt

IDEAL JOB: Royals for the throne
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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on November 8th, 2009
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These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

VIRGO – August 23-September 22

This will be a VERY happy 2 months for you. After all, it is your birthday! And you know what they’ve been saying about that for a thousand of years, don’t you? “Happy Good! Me like Happy!” Cartwheels, hand stands, head stands, single arm press ups, sit ups, and sand castles the shape of gymnasiums are well starred. Take note, perhaps you could use a little exercise?

CELEBRITY VIRGO: Ione Skye

PROS: Smart /CONS: Perfectionist

LIBRA

“Geronimo!”, “Yahooooooo!” but NOT “Weee!” are the best ways to show extreme enjoyment such as when catching that big fish, canopying across the jungle, or jumping suddenly into water. This month your destiny has a lisp and is determined to say MISSISSIPPI…don’t worry about it…make yourself a coffee, sit down and read the internet, hell…its what you do everyday right? While you’re at it, make yourself a birthday cake, the chocolate and fattening kind cause no one celebrates birthdays with gusto after sweet 16!

CELEBRITY LIBRA: Shaun Cassidy

PROS: Harmonious /CONS: Procrastinator
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Filed under: Cosmic Confetti, Horoscopes on September 2nd, 2009
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