Cosmic ConfettiHoroscopes

Cosmic Confetti’s Horoscopes – March 2012

These Horoscopes are meant to be fun and enjoyed. They should not be taken too seriously.

piscesPISCES – February 19-March 20

You will have a dream this month in which you are standing on the shore of an inky black river in grey twilight. An old man wearing a black cloak will appear, poling an old rickety boat up to you. He will demand payment to ferry you across, but it turns out he does not take American express…hmmm…that’s puzzling.

RULING GEMSTONE: AQUAMARINE

ariesARIES – March 21-April 19

It will turn out that someone you spend a great deal of time with is actually one of the last remaining Sinanthropus (Peking Man), rather than an actual Cro-Magnon. This will explain things you’ve been wondering.

RULING GEMSTONE: DIAMOND

taurusTAURUS – April 20-May 20

Places like Coolopolis and Megacity don’t exist…but they do inside the head of the person who is normally always at your right side. You will meet a long lost relative over the next coming months…get that room ready.

RULING GEMSTONE: EMERALD

geminiGEMINI – May 21-June 21

For a brief moment just after the full moon this month you will be able to understand what a dog is saying when it is barking…yes, exactly like in Lassie. You will soon be won over by the mutts compelling arguments and perhaps you should take this time to show him some of your tricks.

RULING GEMSTONE: ALEXANDRITE

cancer

CANCER -June 22-July 22

Beware of people dressed as nurses if they are not the real thing this month, especially if they have filled syringes. Your destiny is about to up the anti.

RULING GEMSTOME: RUBY

leoLEO – July 23- August 22

Sugar Sugar, by the Archies will be your lucky nostalgic track this month. They played it in space; it was a big thing at the time during the Apollo landings. Drop that fact into conversations this month for valuable Moon points!

RULING GEMSTONE: PERIDOT, JADE

virgoVIRGO – August 23-September 22

“A watched pot never boils” is just one of those old sayings you are determined to prove wrong this month. Greet disappointments with a loud sigh and theatrically rolled eyes until well into the month.

RULING GEMSTONE: SAPPHIRE

libraLIBRA – September 23-October 22

Given the choice, prefer smooth and shallow, to rough and deep, in all situations apart from when rock climbing, parachuting, or arguing over who pays the restaurant bill.This month your destiny has an eerie shine like a freshly radiated pot plant

RULING GEMSTONE: OPAL

scorpioSCORPIO – October 23-November 21

This month your destiny is like quick sand pulling you under, but with plenty of vines and branches around to help you pull yourself out to safety.

RULING GEMSTONE: TOPAZ

sagittariusSAGITTARIUS – November 22-December 21

Many things people say over the next few days may seem nonsensical, but may start to make sense by the end of the month. Parrots can be annoying as well as beautifully colored. Rawwr! Parrots can be annoying as well as beautifully colored. Rawwr!…you get it?

RULING GEMSTONE: TURQUOISE

capricorn

CAPRICORN – December 22-January 19

A terrific thought will enter your brain at around lunchtime in the next few days. The world will become your oyster, flowers will bloom in your presence, children will miraculously stop crying in your arms, dogs will quit their yappin after midnite. You are the best you could ever hope for!

RULING GEMSTONE: GARNET

aquariusAQUARIUS – January 20-February 18

Naturally your instinct will be to find love in places where people are inebriated or are known to be easy. However, many find that a library or inside a foyer of a council office is a good place to pick up totty. Good luck.

RULING GEMSTONE: AMETHYST